| Peg Kay \\ 9/22/2004 |
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Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Here are the final selections. We had so much to choose from and I think there may be another book to the series. They are VERY satisfied with what you have given them to work with.
There is one question. They were wanting the poem
"Difficult" with some revisions
. I know that poem was to get frustration out but would you consider revising it and adding it to the hard copy? Let me know. If there is a poem you really want or one you refuse to put in the book. Let me know.
You have an interview with G.M. Thursday at ten in the morning. You will do fine. New questions, new and exciting questions.
I will be at the airport to pick you up Tuesday morning. Be ready with these things; hard copy of these poems, along with a printed manuscript of the poems listed in your preferred format. Pick out twenty poems we can work with in case they want to add more or change their mind on the direction these particular poems will take.
Most of all, get your sleep, and be proud of yourself. You have come a long way baby. Not many people can say they have had the chance you are getting. You have worked hard and bask in it no matter the difficult details that may come from this.
I, as someone who has followed your work for years, am very proud of you. This is an accomplishment not to be ignored. Congrats and enjoy this. You deserve it!
Steve S.
Risk
Touched my lip
With your fingertip
Savored my thigh
With the twinkle in your eye
Felt my skin
With your blazing sin
Wrapped your tongue
In our song sung
Your arms curled
To my resistance hurled
Your strength laid power
In my denying shower
You pressed my lip
I fall to your grip
To My Love Ricky
I already miss you
With only the words said
Without you to curl up with
I'll never peacefully lay my head
I already long for you
At just the thought of empty air
Hell is what comes to mind
At the thought you wont be there
I already ache for you
Just thinking it is the end
I'm not only losing love
But my only best friend
I'm already over you
Or so my words say
I wish simple words
Could make this love go away
Stars On My Skin
Spread out the blanket
spark the candle light
lay back to no worries
and a love filled night
The midnight air wraps
around our body
I slowly kiss your chest
you softly caress me
I feel refreshed
taking away all the blue
leaving the past behind
making love to you
Forgetting all that's wrong
only letting love in
all I feel is your touch
and the stars on my skin
Drunk On Pain
Fill me up
pass me a drink
watch the bubbles
see me sink
Step up
see my downfall
no one to save me
there's no one left to call
Pass another
drown my sorrow
whatever it takes
to dampen tomorrow
Cut me off
I still wont go dry
too many tears
flooding from my eyes
Will It Matter
daddies yellin
mamma's cryin
brother's ran off again
sissy's dyin
they say it gets better
will it even matter
Failin school
no money to move on
guess I'll say yes
now that chances are gone
they say it gets better
will it even matter
Livin on nothing
bun in the oven
hubby gone again
dwellin on the mess I'm in
they say it gets better
will it even matter
Three kids and survivin
feeling alone and cryin
struggling through the day
trying not to give in
waiting for it to get better
don't think it will ever matter
Sever
My heart can't hide
The thoughts I produce
Take cover my love
My words are on the loose
They'll cut you like a knife
Rip apart your inside
Take a cool swim
In all your tears cried
They'll lay in your head
Swallow your heart
Break your will to fight
Tear your hope apart
Run away while you can
Take shelter from my storm
The slashing your heart will take
Aren't worth my syllables that are warm
The Storm
Clouds darken
rain begins to fall
like lightning
I receive the call
High winds linger
Thunder roars
shaken voice
a heart tore
Stars disappear
fear fills the sky
a lightning spear
striking a forced good-bye
Peaceful nights fall
a moon goes dim
with one call
the storm takes him
Dependent Day
Is there a place for me?
Beyond the dark shadow
Is there better life
For my heart to know
Will it emerge?
Bringing new day
finding my own peace
along the way
Can I conquer?
Without being forced to
Will I still have strength?
To do what's left to do
Can I stand alone?
In my every day
can I fight the battle?
Of letting dependence slip away
Devil Is Tired
Dark and cold
The secrets I hold
My devilish cry
To the naked eye
Live with the best
Pass every test
I'm capable of more
Just can't do it anymore
Written In The Sheets
No words are spoken
no need for wasted air
mouths are lips apart
stuck in our stare
Hands running down
the sweating of our thigh
no need for I'm sorry
we say it in our pleasure cry
Lips pushing into our neck
heavy panting in our ear
no explanation needed
hand clutches have eased our fear
Reinforced love splashes our skin
belief swirling in body heat
no verbal word is needed
it's all written in the sheet
Tippy Toe Out
Laying on the bed
in your naked sweat
rolling over
expectations met
You sway through
clenching hips
shattering thigh
sinking fingertips
Watering mouths
lips on skin
gritting teeth
when you push yourself in
Tumbling body
switch to the top
sweat is so sweet
don't let it stop
Voices hoarse
breathing moan
you softly whisper
don't leave me alone
I pull my shirt over
tippy toe my way through
hoping I can sneak out
while memories flood over you
Close My Eyelids
Footsteps in the background
not in rhythm with mine
Pick up the pace
trying to stay in lighted line
I can hear them faster
I'm mile from destination
There is no safe shelter
just a sick sensation
I know it is coming
or my fear has told me so
I try to move my feet faster
but now they are refusing to go
I can see the street light
shining down upon me
will it be enough to warrant
the saving of little me
It suddenly goes dark
I can only see the lid of my eye
Hoping with no sight
it wont hurt so much to die
Pressure all around me
piercing pain on my skin
I can't move my body
from the shock I'm rolling in
I try to push away
break away from his grip
try to forget the feel
of his disgusting dirty lip
I can feel the blood run down
onto my heavy breathing chest
the pain seems to have dulled
adrenaline taking care of the rest
My screams seem silent
nobody seems to hear
the only thing I can feel
is the knife and overwhelming fear
I can hear his words
piercing through the life of me
screaming loud and belligerent
there's no way I'll ever see safety
His syllables are cruel
they send cold chill through my spine
I run across every piece of life
everything I loved and called mine
My pained ears are ringing
his words are fierce and cold
My hands are flailing and dangling
nothing I can find to hold
I reach for anything
anything to try and fight
my eye lids are stuck
but I can still feel the street light
Another pierce to my skin
he isn't giving up on me
I say my silent good-byes
making him go crazy
Another strike of the knife
blood streams down on me
I know that this is it
please god just heal my baby
A knock on the head
my body falls to the ground
I'm too scared to open my eyes
until I hear safety finally sound
Open my lid to see
an angel in disguise
I can't make out the face
tears cloud my scared eyes
People rush up on us
I see my angel run away
I still don't know his presence
I hope to thank him one day
I can hear the screaming go on
I have no idea what or where to go to
I look through the gathering crowd
and then I seen the fear in you
I can feel your arms around me
I know that now I'm okay
You are going to sweep me up
and from this pain take me away
I can feel your hand on my neck
trying to hold the blood in
I forget the trauma unfolding
just warm in the arms I'm in
I close my lids again
it's easier than facing the fear
and whenever it comes out
I can't fight back my scared tear
So my heart and mind is coping
by pretending it isn't there
I try to play it off and forget
saying life just isn't fair
I know my denial will hurt me
it will haunt me until it's faced
but the fear just overwhelms me
and now it's unfairly placed
So let me have my denial
keep me away from reminding word
empty my mind and heart
pretend nothing was heard
I will close my eye lid
crawl into my soul and hide
it makes it easier
to silently die inside
Tripping Down Memory Lane
Thoughts roll over
tumbling in my head
visions hold me down
to my grief stricken bed
I can see you lean over
stick a flower behind my ear
kiss my cheek softly
then pull my body near
I can hear you laughing
as you tug at my hair
I wrestle your hand away
then fall into your blissful stare
I can feel you grab my hand
as we walk into the grocery store
I fall two steps behind
just to see if you hold the door
I can see you dancing
as my favorite boy bands croon
I stand in the doorway laughing
as you try your best to carry a tune
I can hear you sputtering a joke
pleased with your witty style
I laugh out loud to your face
take a break from the jokes for awhile
I can feel your warm embrace
as we lay in the chilly night
it would be warmer to go inside
but we like the romance of moonlight
I can see you laying quietly
you look deep into peaceful sleep
I place my hand on your empty heartbeat
my heart falls into silent weep
I can hear your last words
I love you echoes in my head
I can see the love in your eyes
as our final good-bye was said
I can feel the emptiness in my soul
the visions of love lost in pain
I spend the nights in tear
stripping down memory lane
Two Steps Behind
You sailed away
heaven said you needed to
now I stand alone
my heart beats without you
Your body may be gone
but you will never die
I'll let your life shine bright
through the glow of my eye
I'll hold you close
keep you in my shadow
hold your spirit's hand
I'll promise to never let go
You'll have my heart forever
until there's peace for us to find
wherever my life takes me
you'll be two steps behind
Littlest Hero
Three months in a hospital
walls are white and plain
your little eyes get bored
but you smile through the pain
Your little body is tired
medicine trickles through your vein
dopey and groggy
you smile through the pain
Puffy little fingers
gripping in strain
you still manage
to smile through the pain
A tube stuck in your tiny nose
a tug when you feel it drain
you turn your precious head
and smile through your pain
Your stomach grumbles
GVH leaves its stain
your stomach comes up
and there's your smile in pain
You fight each and every day
just to have the chance to grow
yet you still wear your beautiful smile
Tyler, you are our little hero
Tyler's Wish
I wish I had the joy
of stepping out of a hospital room
I want to feel the hope of light
instead of being swarmed in gloom
I want to feel the sunshine
let it shower my skin
feel it warm my touch
as the rays soak in
I want to stand on grass
let it poke my feet so small
I want to sit outside when daddy mows
because the grass is too tall
I want to play in the sand
watch momma cringe when it goes to my lip
I want to squirm in it's grain
without fear of the germs in my grip
I want to see the sky
the birds soaring through air
I want to stand in the rain
let the breeze blow through my hair
I want to see the moon
the one mommy and daddy said they'd rope for me
My brothers say I'm their star
I want to see one shining brightly
I want to climb trees
when the time comes around
chase after my brothers
until my much smaller and tired body falls to the ground
I want to walk outside
inhale the day and night
I want to wake up today
and not have to so painfully fight
I want my brothers to hold me
pick on me some too
I want to be in my own crib
without doctors poking me the whole day through
I want to look at my daddy
and not see such tired eyes
I want to look at my mommy
and not see her hurting cries
I want my family together
so I can see life can be happy
I want to see what life is like
when I can live it pain free
Mommy and Daddy say it'll be worth it
when all is said and done
they also said God answers wishes and prayers
I hope he heard this one
Brandon's Presence
One sneaky smile on your face
And all my problems disappear
One touch from your small embrace
And I can't fight back the sentimental tear
One giggle from you
Added to a batting of the eye
I can't help but giggle too
Making me forget any pained cry
One look from your big brown eye
Along with your sweet voice of mommy
I can't help but let my hopes soar high
Knowing your little heart loves me
One adorable sound from you
And my heart fills with joy
You make me believe we'll always get through
Brandon Lee, I love you my precious boy
Dylan's Love
You can brighten my dark day
With the glow of your smile
Each comforting word you say
You erase all the bad for awhile
With one of your kisses on my cheek
You give me the strength to stand
You touch a mother's soul that's weak
By just a touch of your little hand
The shining look in your eye
When you tell me I'm pretty
You make all my tears run dry
When you say you're my best friend mommy
There's a special love flowing in you
I can feel it when our hands clutch
Let that love always stay true
Dylan Robert I love you so much
If I Had Only Known JJM
Twenty days
since the last I love you
I can see you in the window
your blue eyes peering through
I didn't know it was the last time
I'd hear your words of true
If I had only known
I wouldn't of left you
Twenty days
since our last body clutch
I can still feel your warmth
the love in your touch
I didn't know it was the last time
I'd ever feel you next to me
If I had only known
I wouldn't let you stop holding me
Twenty days
since our last kiss
I can still feel the tingles
that threw me into giddy bliss
I didn't know it was the last time
we would kiss at the door
If I had only known
I would of held onto it a few moments more
Twenty days
since I seen you eye to eye
I can see your blue eyes gleaming
as you said your hesitant good-bye
I didn't know it was the last time
I'd see you in living day
If I had only known
I wouldn't of driven away
Night Rhythm
I lay my head upon your chest
I can feel your soft heartbeat
My eyes start to slowly rest
In the comfort of your body heat
I feel your hand through my hair
And then brushed upon my skin
I feel the cold chill of the night air
While hot flashes occur within
A rhythm of your breathing falls on me
Your heart continues to beat in my ear
Together they make a sweet melody
And slowly ease away all my fear
I feel your hand softly caress my face
It softens my dampened weep
My tears become only a faded trace
Listening to your rhythm, I drift to sleep
Last Ride
Flowers fill the room
People standing around
The air is filled with gloom
A soft sob is the only sound
In his hand he holds a key
A man lays in bed, he whispers in his ear
Take one more ride with me
Before your taken away from here
Close your eyes, your in the driver seat
Grip tight onto the stirring wheel
Feel the gas and break under your feet
He softly ask, how does the leather seat feel
He whispers in his ear, the top is down
The air is running through your hair
Your beaming through the town
You have no fear or care
The man's breath becomes light
He knew the ride was nearing the finish
In his ear he hears, you and your car what a sight
The man in his bed was starting to diminish
The man by the bed drops one tear
In the older man's hand he places the key
With is last breath, he whispers you took away the fear
Thank you for taking one last ride with me
Wish On My Word(Dianne's Song)
I wish I could make you feel better with my word
Take all your blues and sadness away
Calm all the emotions that are stirred
Make peace and joy fill your everyday
I wish my words could wash away your fear
Ease your stressed and worried mind
I wish you could feel all our love near
And our love could make you leave your blues behind
I wish I could make you feel better with my word
Say the words to make your sadness disappear
I wish I could vanish all the pain you've endured
I wish my word could wash away your tear
I wish that a smile you could wear every single day
That only happiness for you could be seen and heard
I wish there was something my lips could say
I wish I could make you feel better with my word
September 11, Daddy
I have a daddy
He is far away
No letters to me
No present for father's day
I have a daddy
I never get a phone call
His face I never got to see
But mommy says he was tall
I have a daddy
He's in a special place
Mommy says he's happy
There's smile on his face
I have a daddy
My mommy says so
He died for our country
My daddy is my hero
Angel When Your Eyes Close
Your curled up on the floor
I try to pick up your mess
All the hidden fun to explore
Your hidden fun is my hidden stress
I lay watching your sleeping eye
You look precious in your sleep
I sit and wonder to myself why
An angel would cause trouble so deep
There's a mess on the kitchen counter
Candy on the living room floor
The bathroom covered in toilet paper
Red kool-aid is the new paint on the door
I need to get myself up and clean
There's too much I need to do
Nothing but a mess can be seen
But I'd rather sit here and watch you
An Angel For Crissy
An angel watches over you
By your side walking along
Carrying your weakened body through
Keeping your heart and mind strong
Shining an angelic star on you
Surrounding you in protective light
Showering precious love on you
Filling every body pore with fight
Rays of will from an angel's wing
Falling lightly onto your skin
For you angels softly sing
Filling you with courage within
An angel is watching over you
Guiding you through your everyday
Laying beautiful angelic dust on you
Feeding you heart strength along the way
Heaven Cries Too
Leaves fall
sway to the ground
Spirits rise
heaven bound
Rain pours
mist in air
Souls tower
angels fair
Snow piles
snowflake bliss
Widowed hearts
sadly miss
Black clouds hover
dark sky
Tears in heaven
drop their cry
The Tracks Of Your Memory(01/04/03)
I don't know how I will go on
without you here by my side
You were my last bit of hope
in keeping up with life's stride
I don't know where smiles will come from
now that your jokes have fallen in air
There's nothing for my eyes to see
now that you wont be in my stare
I don't know where my strength will be
now that your words wont help me stand
I don't know if my heart can love
without the touch of your hand
I don't know if my words will flow
without your inspiration falling on my paper
There's no passion to lay my ink
without your belief in me I have nothing to offer
I don't know if I'll ever see beauty again
without your eyes to guide the way
Everything will be filled with gloom
without your presence filling my day
I don't know what will get me out of bed
now that your face wont be there waiting for me
I don't think my heart can beat and breathe
with just the tracks of your memory
The Day Of Shock And Denial(01-05-03)
The world just isn't right
talking about you in the past tense
Hearts are trying to come to terms
with a death that doesn't make sense
It seems unimaginable to our mind
that your smile hasn't graced our day
but our hearts can feel the pain
knowing it's forever been taken away
We find ourselves in silent air
leaving time open to hear your sound
Shushing away any disturbance
in hopes a trace of you can be found
Fingers itching to pick up the phone
maybe your just hurt or have lost your way
Maybe we're walking in a nightmare
and we just haven't woken up to new day
Hoping hearts making up reason
trying to believe anything but what's true
Maybe you decided to take a day away
and we're just here waiting for you
Distraught hearts and souls
attempting the impossible to get through
Trying to bring you back with our will
so we don't have to face life without you
Christmas Vacation
My head is spinning
as they run past
This Christmas vacation
isn't going by too fast
Christmas toys are blaring
batteries never die when you want them to
Legos scattered on the floor
making the living room a mine field to walk through
Feet are cut and bruised
from the marbles and many jack
Yell at the boys for a third time
to take the poor cat out of the grocery sack
The phone rings constantly
telemarketers wont give it a break
A smell fills throughout the house
mom you burnt the cake
The phone in one hand
a hot mitt in the other
Mom he's hitting me
will you please stop taunting your brother
A knock at the door
step on four legos on the way there
Screams ring out
will you stop pulling your brother's hair
Dryer buzzer goes off
the door will have to wait
Call waiting beeps in
honey I will be late
Lemonade falls to the floor
earlier mopping went to waste
Run to get a towel
only to step in a spilled bottle of paste
Who made the mess
unison calls of it wasn't me
Slam the door in frustration
over goes the clean and folded laundry
Is Christmas vacation over yet
how will I get through the next couple of day
I would let calgon sweep me away
but the kids wasted it all yesterday
Forbidden Touch
You're standing there
with my heart in your hand
I'm mesmerized by
the shine of your wedding band
You're lighting up my eye
leaning in your three piece suit
We both know it's wrong
why do we taste this forbidden fruit
Your eyes transfix on me
your smile shoots off it's glow
Why is it so easy
to leave behind the life we know
Here we are face to face
our bodies jump into hot clutch
Tonight is only for us
and our forbidden touch
My Little Girl Heart
My little girl heart
can't understand
why you weren't there
holding my hand
My little girl heart
can't make any sense
of why you chose not to
give your fatherly presence
My little girl heart
tries to figure out why
it was so easy
for you to say good-bye
My little girl heart
cries when alone
because somewhere out there
there's a daddy I could of known
Serenity Of Night Sky
The moon is shining bright
star dust falls on our skin
The night has calmly erased
all the grieving pain I was in
The chilly breeze soothes me
night owls sound their melody
The rhythm of the dark
has erased the soul in me
The sky glows on my face
crickets join in the night song
The beautiful night magic
vanishes all that's wrong
The stars shine on my love
a shooting star falls on my heart
The serenity of the night sky
makes me forget my life is falling apart
Tracks Of My Tear
I think about the road traveled
how different it would be
if that night never happened
and you were in this bed with me
The pain being handed out now
would no longer exist
There would be no broken hearts
there would be no crying mist
Losses would be erased
loved ones would still be here
No burnt skin
from the tracks of my tear
Reality hits me hard and fast
wishes wont take away my tear
Dreaming is a waste of time
your heart no longer beats here
Wait Up Daddy
Daddy don't walk so fast
memories are few
they wont last
Daddy wait up please
can't you hear
my little heart pleas
daddy why wont you stay
what did I do
to make you go away
daddy was I too much trouble
what made me
so unlovable
Life Is Reality
One more step
into reality
push back the lies
of fantasy
Take a deep breath
and a look around
there's no perfect life
no fairytale to be found
Take the dreaded step
join the rest of the world
see that everyone
dodges pain hurled
Stand in the middle
there's no life pain free
fantasy is for fools
life is reality
Oh Christmas Tree
Oh Christmas tree
lights flickering bright
take me back
to that tragic night
Oh Christmas tree
let me lose myself in pine
forget the reality
he left this world of mine
Oh Christmas tree
untangle the garland of my heart
wrap me in the belief
our souls aren't torn apart
Oh Christmas tree
your beauty comforting from afar
let me feel his touch
when I light your glowing star
Reality Bites
Woman selling herself on the corner
the only protection in the street lights
hungry little mouths at home
reality bites
Man crippled in his wheel chair
will never reach his own heights
sits lonely and depressed
reality bites
Teenage boy victim to addiction
cocaine battles his fights
strung out each and everyday
reality bites
A little girl orphaned
no bed time stories fill her nights
she'll never know a real family
reality bites
Rich politicians in power
only "typical Americans" have rights
decent people with no help slip through the cracks
reality bites
Vacancy
Words splatter
on the wall
hearts break
then take their fall
Souls quake
the hard ground
desperation
is the only sound
Minds shutter
a deafening boom
nerves shatter
and fill the room
Hearts break
beat on the floor
love's shadow
don't live here anymore
Kooky Christmas Wishes
I wish Christmas lights untangled themselves
saving me hours and hours of cursing
I wish those pesky carolers outside
would spend more time rehearsing
I wish the garland would stay off the floor
and the cats out of the darn tree
I wish the toy aisles of the store
would magically come to me
I wish money didn't spend so fast
and I would get more bang for my buck
I wish when it was time for Santa to visit my chimney
he wouldn't get his cookie filled butt stuck
I wish cookies made themselves
with no flour gracing my shirt
I wish I could put the star on top of the tree
without somehow falling and getting hurt
Okay, Okay, I wish for love
to hold my loved ones dear
I wish we could all be happy
and spread our Christmas cheer
I wish a wonderful holiday to one and all
and maybe I'll wish holidays lasted longer
but the one thing I want most
is for this darn eggnog to be stronger!!
Secured Depression
Another day spent alone
in the comfort of depression
not willing to let go
of life's perfect impression
Dwelling on the day
how the past has slipped by
not trying to find a way
to stop this lonely cry
Pacing the safe haven
created on the inside
walls of protection
allowing the real person to hide
Another day in lonely stress
more tears to wipe away
no intention to repair this break
buckled safely in secured day
Mama's Say
Cold blood on his skin
pain through his body
He knows this is the end
he knows he is now a memory
Breaths turn into struggled air
he's ready to travel to heaven's sky
He waits for the chance
to again see his mother's eye
Her favorite dress pressed neat
a smile on her heavenly face
Holding out her arms
ready to give her motherly embrace
He lets his heart wander off
his soul is ready to sail away
His pained body has gone numb
as he waits for mama's say
His eyes and mind go dark
but there is light in his eye
His soul ready to sail
his life ready to say good-bye
He stands before her
his arms stretched out wide
Heaven becomes more than a blur
more than a safe place inside
He runs to feel her heavenly embrace
but she turns her heart away
It's not time for you to say good-bye
there's no arguments, it's mama's say
Lost Love On The Rocks
Sit me at the bar
hand me a drink
drown my sorrows
watch me sink
Don't limit my intake
let me drink my pain away
swim in pain's friend
wash my troubles away
Hand me round after round
fill me to the last drop
keep the comfort pouring
don't let the consoling taste stop
Let time slip away
paying no attention to time clocks
I'll soak my troubles away
pass me another lost love on the rocks
Mama
Mama I see you crying
what did I do wrong
Mama there's no use hiding
you don't have to be strong
Mama I know he hurt you
let me ease your pain
Mama It's not your fault
I wont let him hurt you again
Mama I know your heart is broken
he never did deserve you
Mama I know your scared
but I'm here to help you through
Mama I know your tired
working day and night
Mama I'm sorry
daddy never treated you right
Mama I know tears wont stop
I will catch them as they fall
Mama I know it's hard to stand up
it's okay if you want to crawl
Mama I know you did your best
I seen you fight for your family
Mama you don't have to hold it in
lay your crying heart on me
The Aftermath
Blue flowers grace the table
black dresses fill the room
Sheltered laughter sounds
trying to cover up the gloom
Cards laid across the mantle
all signed with sympathy
People gathered in circle
speaking about the ceremony
Food laid out in perfection
urges to get something to eat
One woman in mourning
can't bring herself to her feet
Caring people surrounding
offering hands and hearts of love
A grieving widow knowing in her heart
nothing will ease the pain of lost love
Winter Blues
White willow
blowing in the wind
Sad blue bird singing
as truth in the skies bend
Yellow daisy
dying in the cold
No children's giggles heard
no future hope to hold
Green grass
replaced by dirt
No beauty
to erase the hurt
Maple trees
dropping leaf
A sad woman's cries
no escape from the grief
Dark Dreary Days
Shadows drape the wall
A breeze taps the window
Rain making it's call
Along with the tears of a widow
Soft thunder roars through the sky
Lightning crashes down
But there's no light in her eye
Her heart's painful thunder shakes the town
Mud puddles form on the ground
Rain splatters from the trees
A drizzle leaving it's soft sound
Along with her inner pained breeze
Dark and gloomy outside the window
Leading to one dark and dreary day
But this is the life of a widow
Every dark and pain filled day
In Vain
A lot of laughter
little tear
A lot of security
little fear
A lot of truth
little lie
A lot of joy
little cry
A lot of love
little pain
A lot of time
taken in vain
Mommy Is Proud Of You
His eyes look up in his sweet gaze
Are you proud of me
I tried to be good today
And it wasn't easy
I tried my very best
I wanted to make you proud
I tried to raise my hand
And I tried not to be too loud
Today was no fun
But I did what I should
I wanted to make you happy
To show you I can be good
Are you proud mommy
Did I make you smile
I know you've been sad about me
I wanted to take that away for awhile
Mommy I want to be good for you
Do only what I'm allowed
Did I make you happy mommy
Did this little boy make you proud
The Feel Of Rejection
My heart is scared to trust
After being hurt so much
I only fall into lust
To prevent feeling love's touch
My heart is scared to death
Scared of feeling rejected
Scared to fall into loving breath
Leaving a once whole heart intersected
My heart trembles in fear
Fear of facing any form of pain
I don't want to let love near
I don't want to carry love's stain
My heart is closed to love
It's for my own protection
I repel love and all it's made of
For fear I'll have to face rejection
Dirty Sin
With one touch of lending hand
A warm, caring embrace
A slip of the wedding band
Sin blazing across the face
With one supporting touch
The words of I understand
A body used as a crutch
Burying grief in the sand
With one soft, comforting kiss
Two vulnerable bodies twist
Falling into mistaken bliss
Swarmed in sin's mist
With one look in the eye
One night of heated skin
All they've built will die
In the hands of dirty sin
Fairy Tale Not Included
Once upon a time
A heart was broken
Tried to heal it through rhyme
Without any hurt spoken
The heart desperately did try
To work things out on paper
To relieve the tear ridden eye
Without causing other hearts to stir
But the evil that lay inside
Wouldn't let the heart's pain free
And no matter how much it tried
The rhymes couldn't heal the misery
So now the broken heart lay scared
With only heartache to send
All the hurt and anger is bared
No happily ever after, the end
Forget For Awhile
Run in the circles of the trees
your hair flying in the carry of breeze
Gallop in the fields of wheat and grain
trotting through the taste of sugar cane
Float on the air of fresh cut lawn
swimming in the dew drop of dawn
Spread out in the nature of being free
leaving behind all of life's pained debris
| Peg Kay \\ 9/14/2004 |
***********
Friday, September 03, 2004
Difficult
It's so easy
from where you sit
the pain we endure
you'll soon forget
go home to your lavish house
sit with your healthy family
sling your cruel words about me
to every person you see
it's easy for you to speak
when you're on the outside
do you know how many nights
we've sat alone and cried
Do you know the debt
Will never be freed of
Do you know I've lost
My one and only true love
Do you even care
Of course you do not
Maybe you would be the same
If you had to fight like we have fought
So take your insults
The syllables you spurred
Shout them to the world
To me they won't be heard
I thought you were different
I thought you tried to understand
Now I know the truth
You were just playing safe hand
He is my son, my precious son
His illness is a pained jolt
Don't mistake a scared mother
With being difficult
| Peg Kay \\ 9/03/2004 |
***********
Thursday, September 02, 2004
Sever
My heart can't hide
The thoughts I produce
Take cover my love
My words are on the loose
They'll cut you like a knife
Rip apart your inside
Take a cool swim
In all your tears cried
They'll lay in your head
Swallow your heart
Break your will to fight
Tear your hope apart
Run away while you can
Take shelter from my storm
The slashing your heart will take
Aren't worth my syllables that are warm
Love Until The Day We Die
Been a week
since my good-bye
said I'd be okay
feel like I could die
the hurt is rapid
boils into rage
my thoughts are trapped
inside my tortured cage
I try to hate
singe your love
rip away the memory
and all you're made of
shed the life
we made together
put it away
this time forever
been a long week
since my good-bye
swore I'd be okay
trying not to die
the moon is shining
I can see your face
looking out the window
our love left a trace
the more I try
to push you away
the more my mind
wants you to stay
the more I pull back
the further I reach out
the more I'm sure I'll move on
the closer I move to doubt
my chest aches
it is breaking for you
my gut is sick
swallowed tears soak through
I try to erase the love
the feel of your skin
but the more I fight
the further I fall in
I imagine your hand
resting on mine
the words have disintegrated
there's no crossed line
but like your touch
it is all fantasy
one week since my good-bye
a dead heart beats inside of me
Life Sucks
life doesn't always go
the way we want it to
so it comes to be known
by the love in me and you
Directions are formed
other voices take the lead
we are forced to follow
while we profusely bleed
Walk the other way
no longer eye to eye
we're forced to part
no matter our out cry
Love is buried deep down
but life wont let it be
we'll have to let hearts go
live life in silent misery
life doesn't always go
the way we want it to
so it comes to be known
by the love in me and you
Directions are formed
other voices take the lead
we are forced to follow
while we profusely bleed
Walk the other way
no longer eye to eye
we're forced to part
no matter our out cry
Love is buried deep down
but life wont let it be
we'll have to let hearts go
live life in silent misery
Rebeka's View
I can see disgust in your eye
You can't stand to look at me
Put up with me because you have to
Wish there was other places to be
Our words roam in air
Still linger about
I wish I could explain
Let my true feelings out
I wish you felt the same
Easier it would seem to be
Then I could let go of the anger
Feel your arms around me
I thought we could live as one
Perfect ending to a bad story
I used to see light in your eyes
Now I see the hate harbored there for me
Peg's Choice
You left love to me
How do I decide
He brought me the sun
You dried up tears cried
I need you both
Don't anyone understand
Him in my arms
You holding my hand
This is our decision
That's what they say
Then why does one
Have to be taken away
This is a choice
I shouldn't have to make
Watch the sun dim forever
Or suffer eternal heartbreak
Unwilling Separation
I watched forever
Walk out my door
No pretty flowers
No soft kisses anymore
No rendezvous
Nights will be lonely
No secret phone calls
No messages for me
Late night talks disappear
Nothing but the wind song
No words to build me up
No touches keeping me strong
Days will drag
Nothing to look forward to
Follow the daily grind
Constantly thinking of you
Let Me Lay Down
Tired
Beat up
Exhausted
Let me give up
Keep going
Blistered feet
Don't lie down
To defeat
Eyes open
Straight ahead
Forget discouraging
Words said
But I'm tired
Worn out skin
Please let me
Just give in
The Time To Choose
Tears are falling
Out of control
Lose my blood
Or open the hole
Anger rises
Too tired to fight
Lose my sun
Or consoling night
Depression sits in
Damaging choice
Lose a part of love
Or loving voice
Hurt parades
What to do
Risk him
Or lose you
I Can Do This For You
I've loved you
From first view
Wanted to give you everything
It is what I intended to do
Some would give diamonds
Others fourteen karat gold
Some would give flowers
With a soft hand to hold
Some would speak word
To melt their loved one's heart
Promises tossed around
Of never falling apart
Most would give anything
Do whatever they had to do
To supply a world of happiness
Now, I can give that to you
I've laid love on the table
Make the choice you need to
Just remember my dear
Ill always love you
Your world is in my hand
Most would love this chance
To hand love and life over
Without a second glance
Your chance at happiness
Lay in my brain and fingertip
I won't let this chance for him
Slide out of my grip
I love you
And I'm doing all I can do
To hand you happiness
I can do this for you
TY
Fidgety
Tired
Sad
Ache
Weak
Worn
Tied
Heartbreak
Depressed
Feared
Antsy
Restless
Pained
Confused
Burned out
Helpless
Heartbreak Is In Town
So this is heartbreak
Come take a seat
Looks like we
Finally get to meet
Been out of town for awhile
Hadn't seen you around
I knew sooner or later
I would be found
How are you?
Been busy I see
Just thought your timing
Could have been better for me
Not so nice to see you
Looks like you are here for awhile
Since you're hanging around
Put my broken heart in your pile
Warning Unheard
You lay your hand on me
It feels like years
My skin chills to your touch
Sensation building the fears
Walking on shaky ground
We still lean in for a kiss
Tongues twisting in knots
We move into body bliss
We lay back
Toss warnings aside
Nothing else matters
But passion fired inside
Forget the words signed
Smooth skin to skin
The only thing we feel
Is the love you pushed in
Hear My Heart
What are we doing here?
We're risking everything
Don't take that chance
At feeling regret's sting
Walk away now
Forget you seen my face
Forget the touch
Of my longing embrace
Run the other way
Step far from me
I wont be the reason
You're taken down quietly
Don't turn away
My words aren't my heart
Just stay for awhile
Keep me from falling apart
Same Four Walls
Same four walls
Sitting here waiting
My eyes fall to
The boring painting
I sit alone
On our bed
Try to relive
All the words said
All the nights
We created spark
The passionate I love you
In the lusted dark
My eyes open
Nothing to do
Same four walls
Empty without you
Isn't So Easy Not To Love
Sneak in the back
No one will see
Whatever you have to do
To get your fix of me
Travel miles
For just a few word
Time was worth
The love stirred
Lose a day's pay
To sit and wait
Just to taste
My blissful state
Wait for hours
To get a glimpse of me
Leaving love behind
Isn't so easy
My Year Of Love
You made my heart pump
A thousand mile
Tucked my worries
Away for awhile
You made me feel pretty
Like I was a beauty queen
I had the most beautiful smile
You had ever seen
You made me feel loved
Cared for me unconditionally
Kept me wrapped up tight
To keep doubting chills away from me
You made me believe
Love was easy to run to
Now how do I run away?
From the love I have with you
I Shut The Door
I can hear the crack
Splitting in two
As I hear the words
Spilling from you
I shake my head twice
Are these words true?
Can I really be hearing?
This outrageous lie from you
You ripped my heart out
I need to reevaluate my stance
Now you're back crying
Wanting a second chance
The one person I trusted
You were the key to my door
Now it's voided entry
Trust don't live here anymore
Lose You
I lost love
Yesterday
In one tantrum
It was taken away
I lost security
Quickly
Because you chose
To hide me
I lost safety
Fast
Should of known
It wouldn't last
I lost happiness
Good-bye
One lie from your lip
Love left my eye
| Peg Kay \\ 9/02/2004 |
***********
Depth Has No Say
My words are empty
My heart is full
I want to push
But I always pull
My threats are hollow
Don't mean a thing
Try to save you hurt
Sink in happiness you bring
My time is shallow
Depth has no say
Anything to wash
Longing tears away
My world is nothing
No meaning that's true
Life is lonely
Without the love of you
I'm A Person
Hair is dyed
My clothes are faded
Love has struck me
Left me jaded
Shoes at a discount
Earrings are fake
I don't let people in
My heart will easily break
My make up runs
Perfume is cheap
Mood swings blare
I frequently weep
I have an abundance of pounds
My bones creek and hurt
But that doesn't mean
You can treat me like dirt
Little White Pill
Hand it over
Give me a thrill
Give me a taste
Of that little white pill
Lift me up
Head in the cloud
No more hurt
Pain is not allowed
Let it slide down
Swimming in my stomach
The pain is helium
No longer weighted brick
Just one more
To ease my pain
Stress will float away
With just a small stain
I'll Haunt You
Let me be the one
You think of every day
Follow you constantly
Wishing you could push me away
You'll be reminded
Of holding me tight
Every time you breathe
Every minute day and night
You'll hear my voice
When you're alone
Always look back on me
As the greatest love known
You'll see my face
In everything you do
But don't you worry
I’ll be doing the same too
Asshole
Thinking of you
As I always do
Wishing you'd show
So my heart would know
I wait here alone
Sitting by the phone
Maybe you're just late
Or ran into ill fate
My legs shake nervously
Where can you be
Would you not show
I really don't think so
Walk to the door
Can't wait anymore
I travel the street
In the muggy heat
Your car is at the house
I straighten my blouse
Walk to your window
See a candle lit glow
There's your shadow
My pain begins to grow
I take a closer peek
My knees fall weak
Sitting watching TV
No thoughts of me
I ring the door bell
Stuck in my own private hell
You strongly walk to the door
Anger can’t hide anymore
You answer with surprise
Tears running from my eyes
You take a sip out of your cup
You asshole, you stood me up
More Than Lust
Reach inside
Let me see
Just what all
We can be
What is hiding
Underneath you
I'll take a peek
At the view
Is there reason
To fight anymore
Would it be easier
To walk out the door
Give me reason
Open and let me in
Is there more
Than touch of our skin
Hell
Little sad
Can't you tell
I'm just strolling
My own private hell
Nice view
Rather see cloud
It's kind of hot
Pretty big crowd
Misery looms
I dry my toe
Skin red
From fire's glow
Flashy and bright
Not my style
Take a seat
I'll be here for awhile
Ricky
One thing at a time
Let's take it slow
We don't want to give in
So let's not go
Take a deep breath
Good look around
Grab my hand
Feel what we've found
Is it strong
Do you feel it
We've come too far
We don't want to quit
Hold on tight
Bumpy rides will pursue
I'm willing to ride
If you are too
Over
Go ahead
Be mad
Gotten tough
I won't get sad
Roll with it
Spit your word
I’ll pretend
You weren't heard
Walk on
All in a rush
Sputtering along
I'll hear quiet hush
Deal with it
We're through
Run away
Don't care where to
Tyler, I'm Sorry
I'm sorry
You were born with pain
Never known life
Without constant strain
I'm sorry
I did this to you
I'm sorry
For what you're going through
I'm sorry
You suffer each day
Baby I'm so sorry
I can't take the hurt away
I'm sorry
We can't make you healthy
Tyler, I'm sorry
I wish I could heal you baby
The Unknown
Sitting in the bath
Pain running through my head
Rolling over
All the words said
More hurt to face
More you'll suffer through
How do I decide
What's right for you
What do you want
I wish you could say
I also wish my heart
Could take this all away
I want to tell you
Everything will be all right
But I don't know
I can only hold you tight
Dependant Day
Is there a place for me?
Beyond the dark shadow
Is there better life
For my heart to know
Will it emerge?
Bringing new day
Finding my own peace
Along the way
Can I conquer?
Without being forced to
Will I still have strength?
To do what's left to do
Can I stand alone?
In my every day
Can I fight the battle?
Of letting dependence slip away
Not Tonight
Traveled the distance
Strolled far and wide
Battled the demons
That piled up inside
Spent sleepless nights
Worrying my time away
Hours filled with agony
Is how I spent my day
I knew it would be worthwhile
That’s what I would think
Trying to push forward
Hoping I wouldn’t sink
Now it's threatened
Our worthwhile fight
Now I sit and hope
This wont be the night
World Of Cruelty
I stand alone
In my world of pain
Try to wash away
Misery's greasy stain
I try to step away
My heart won't let me
Can't find the courage
To let my control free
My strength lingers
Appears for awhile
Vanishes quickly
Leaving broken pieces in a pile
The world keeps turning
Pain circles around me
I stand alone
In an unfair world of cruelty
Glutton For Punishment
I get mad
Sling my word
Make you forget
Love heard
I get frustrated
Lash out
Make you forget
What our love is about
I get sad
Don't care what you say
Make you forget
Your own smooth way
I get hurt
Drop my tear
I know you love me
You're still here
I'll Run To You
The feelings don't fall out
Like they used to
I don't know what stopped
Since I met you
Sometimes I feel stupid
Like you think I'm not much
Maybe it's all a game
Just hot to my touch
Sometimes I feel worthless
You don't understand my word
Maybe I hold back
So thoughts can't be heard
Sometimes I feel ashamed
I don't have as much as you
Maybe I'm looking for an excuse
That I can run to
Sometimes I feel ugly
In your beautiful surround
Maybe you're looking further
I'm just temporarily found
Sometimes I feel shallow
No depth to my thought
Maybe you don't realize
How hard in my life I've fought
Sometimes if feel dumb
Your words are always intelligent
Maybe I'm in self pity
Looking for a place to vent
Sometimes I feel ignored
None of my opinions sent
Maybe you don't see
How your views are bent
Sometimes I wonder
What makes us one
Maybe it's because no matter what
To you I always want to run
Devil Is Tired
Dark and cold
The secrets I hold
My devilish cry
To the naked eye
Live with the best
Pass every test
I’m capable of more
Just can't do it anymore
Land Me On Your Lip
I want you so bad
Need you right now
Bring yourself to me
I don't care how
Just need your word
Hear it in my ear
I don't care the miles
Just get yourself here
Maybe just a touch
To feel some body heat
I don't care the time
Just that we get to meet
I want the sight of you
Goosebumps from your grip
I don't care the place
Just land me on your lip
He Needs You
We have to do this
A matter of life or death
I'll love you forever
But I value his breath
You have the answer
You hold the key
I have to think of him
Not the heart in me
You are the solution
To the pain we bare
So we have to part
Even if it's not fair
I love you forever and always
We are meant to be
But right now he needs you
A lot more than me
I Promise Forever
Give me forever
I'll give you me
Travel the distance
We can be free
Promise me daylight
Won't bring no call
Walk the extra mile
Don't make me fall
Hold onto my smile
Clutch it so tight
Take the extra time
Hold me all night
Grab my skin
Don't let go of me
I promise forever
Give me eternity
Carrying Your Love
I lay alone
In the bed we laid
Thinking of sacrifice
That you have made
We wanted forever
We just let it go
There was a life to live
A child to grow
We wear the ring
Of what we were to be
We hold the hope
We will one day be free
Now we are
Only separately
Carry me with you
And I'll carry you with me
I Hear Him
You gave it all away
In one night
You let him touch you
Until the morning light
Thought it would cure
Didn't you
Feelings didn't disappear
Where you going to run to
Clutched your hand
Into his skin
Forgot about the love
We had fallen in
You made your choice
But who's to blame
When I hear you speak
I hear you screaming his name
Risk
Touched my lip
With your fingertip
Savored my thigh
With the twinkle in your eye
Felt my skin
With your blazing sin
Wrapped your tongue
In our song sung
Your arms curled
To my resistance hurled
Your strength laid power
In my denying shower
You pressed my lip
I fall to your grip
Skipped Passed You
How are you today sir
Doing all right?
Heard through the grapevine
You had a rough night
Girl ran out
That's what I hear
Said you were too fancy
Wouldn't let her steer
They say you're lonely
Without her to hold
Bet them nights by yourself
Are getting pretty cold
Anyway I'm sorry
What I told you was true
She ran back to me
She was just skipping with you
| Peg Kay \\ 9/02/2004 |
***********
